A few point I would like to bring up. 1 Angles don't have genitals, trust me it's relevant. 2 Mary was impregnated via ear, because GOD used to just love showing off. 3 GOD sent someone else to do this, because he's a lazy showoff.
This means that Jesus is the product of on of GOD's friends giving someone a wet willy. Here, of all places, you'd think it'd at least be a literal wet 'willy', but no.
My question is this: how is Jesus even remotely holy now? Was the spit divine? Did god lick the angels finger before he went down to earth? Last but not least, what did Joseph have to say about this? Suddenly, his wife is cheating on him, he can't kick the guy in his nads because of simple absence, and he has to share a bed with a virgin that he's married to, chastely, because God will kill(or worse) him if he has sex, because it would be less dramatic if she gave birth after having sex.
I'm not sure who I feel worse for: Joseph, the blue-balled; Mary, the pregnant virgin who has trouble hearing things to the left now; or the angel, who doesn't have genitals.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Don't say vinigar.
Today we had a multicultural free lunch in school. I try to be open minded, so I went and ate and was sick. I think I am allergic to other cultures. All the things I thought I knew had been made in some strange way that requires egg. Everything that should have been safe I tried, and it wasn't.
So I come to chemistry. I want to make this clear; I love chemistry. I'm good at it. (aside from having no concept of a "light flame" in the lab) That said, this was the longest 80 minutes of the year. The conversation swayed to the strength of naturally occurring acid.
"Ya, natural acids aren't usually that strong," said my (here unnamed) teacher. "Like citrus. Y'know orange juice, lemonade. Jill, you did a project on that didn't you?" As he spoke to Jill about her project, my stomach revolted against the thought of food.
"Hrulgluralg"
"What about vinegar, Sir?"
"Hrulgluralg"
"No Vinegar is too weak to do anything much."
"What if you drank it?"
"Hrulgluraloooralag"
"You'd throw up, well, I'd throw up. Would you throw up Ryan?"
"Hrulgluralgbbbbbbrrrrrrrrngngngngg"
My head found it's way to the deep crevasses of my binder and decided not to come out for the rest of class. "Reff, fir"
*later*
"Ryan, how would you draw Propylcyclopropane?"
"Uh hringl iha higagh reagnf on"
"Correct, and how would you name a v-shaped hydrocarbon with a triangle on the middle?"
"Oo fi-oh rorl ropain"
"Correct"
"Anu fir"
"Are you OK Ryan?"
"Oh, fir"
"Sorry to hear that."
It is safe to say that while I really do hate to miss class, resource can go do four letter things to itself when I feel this bad, and I took the first bus that went in a more or less homeish direction.
So I come to chemistry. I want to make this clear; I love chemistry. I'm good at it. (aside from having no concept of a "light flame" in the lab) That said, this was the longest 80 minutes of the year. The conversation swayed to the strength of naturally occurring acid.
"Ya, natural acids aren't usually that strong," said my (here unnamed) teacher. "Like citrus. Y'know orange juice, lemonade. Jill, you did a project on that didn't you?" As he spoke to Jill about her project, my stomach revolted against the thought of food.
"Hrulgluralg"
"What about vinegar, Sir?"
"Hrulgluralg"
"No Vinegar is too weak to do anything much."
"What if you drank it?"
"Hrulgluraloooralag"
"You'd throw up, well, I'd throw up. Would you throw up Ryan?"
"Hrulgluralgbbbbbbrrrrrrrrngngngngg"
My head found it's way to the deep crevasses of my binder and decided not to come out for the rest of class. "Reff, fir"
*later*
"Ryan, how would you draw Propylcyclopropane?"
"Uh hringl iha higagh reagnf on"
"Correct, and how would you name a v-shaped hydrocarbon with a triangle on the middle?"
"Oo fi-oh rorl ropain"
"Correct"
"Anu fir"
"Are you OK Ryan?"
"Oh, fir"
"Sorry to hear that."
It is safe to say that while I really do hate to miss class, resource can go do four letter things to itself when I feel this bad, and I took the first bus that went in a more or less homeish direction.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Ian > Lucy
Two things you need to know about today. One, my class had a substitute history teacher. Two my teacher's name is Lucy. (Actually, it's not, but I don't want to put the real names here. That is cruel.)
In class today we were assigned the task of making charts of notes and showing it to the class, because it's "alternative learning". One of the groups, wisely, just cut the bottom half of their paper off, since they weren't using it. Ian, a member of said group, decided to play a trick on our teacher. While the sub. Mr. Pope was having a handout photocopied, Ian went up to the white sheet we use for the projector and taped the piece of paper cut off from his group's sheet on to it. There was tape on it spelling out "IAN > LUCY" so the next day when she went to use it she would know he was greater then her. He then carfully rolled the sheet back to it's storage position and started snickering.
Later that day I returned to class and changed the ">" to a heart with a small s beside it. Now I patiently wait for Ms. to find out that Ian wants his love proclaimed on all the notes. Chances are that I'll be found out, given detention, and/or beat up, but it'll be worth it. I never have gotten away with anything like this, so I normally don't try. Hence it being perfect for almost, but not quite, entirely unlike me.
In class today we were assigned the task of making charts of notes and showing it to the class, because it's "alternative learning". One of the groups, wisely, just cut the bottom half of their paper off, since they weren't using it. Ian, a member of said group, decided to play a trick on our teacher. While the sub. Mr. Pope was having a handout photocopied, Ian went up to the white sheet we use for the projector and taped the piece of paper cut off from his group's sheet on to it. There was tape on it spelling out "IAN > LUCY" so the next day when she went to use it she would know he was greater then her. He then carfully rolled the sheet back to it's storage position and started snickering.
Later that day I returned to class and changed the ">" to a heart with a small s beside it. Now I patiently wait for Ms. to find out that Ian wants his love proclaimed on all the notes. Chances are that I'll be found out, given detention, and/or beat up, but it'll be worth it. I never have gotten away with anything like this, so I normally don't try. Hence it being perfect for almost, but not quite, entirely unlike me.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Post the first
You may wonder about the title "Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike me". I suppose the first thing I should say should be something that will clear this up.
First, I have never writen any non fiction outside of school. Second, I didn't quite bother to find out what a blog was untill earlyer today; ergo I didn't know what it was. Third, my spelling and grammar are both notoriously incoherent among thouse who know me, as well as incorrectable by any computer program known to human kind as well as, I suspect, dolphins. Therefore it is not like me to make a blog, dare I say, entirely unlike me.
Fourth, it is worth noting that I spend an abundence of time on the internet. What can I say, I love it here. Some would call it an unnatural love, but I digress. Consequently it is not quite entirely unlike me to start a blog.
Fifth and finaly, I like Douglas Adams, so I add "Almost, but" to the title to end up with something that is "Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike me".
First, I have never writen any non fiction outside of school. Second, I didn't quite bother to find out what a blog was untill earlyer today; ergo I didn't know what it was. Third, my spelling and grammar are both notoriously incoherent among thouse who know me, as well as incorrectable by any computer program known to human kind as well as, I suspect, dolphins. Therefore it is not like me to make a blog, dare I say, entirely unlike me.
Fourth, it is worth noting that I spend an abundence of time on the internet. What can I say, I love it here. Some would call it an unnatural love, but I digress. Consequently it is not quite entirely unlike me to start a blog.
Fifth and finaly, I like Douglas Adams, so I add "Almost, but" to the title to end up with something that is "Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike me".
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